Your hub for articles, how-to guides, and helpful resources

By Prof Samuel Oheneba-Dornyo

Licensed Counseling Psychologist

The loss of a pregnancy is a deeply personal and emotionally complex experience that often unfolds in silence. Unlike other forms of bereavement, pregnancy loss frequently occurs without public rituals, shared mourning, or social recognition. Yet for many women and couples, its emotional impact is profound. Whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, ectopic pregnancy, or medically indicated termination, pregnancy loss disrupts deeply held hopes, identities, and imagined futures. From a counseling psychology perspective, such loss should not be minimized or hurried past, but understood as a significant life event requiring compassion, validation, and appropriate support (Brier, 2008; Cacciatore, 2013).

Pregnancy is rarely experienced as a purely physical process. From early confirmation, many parents begin to form emotional bonds with the unborn child, imagining roles, futures, and family narratives. These anticipatory attachments mean that when a pregnancy ends unexpectedly, the loss is not abstract but relational. What is grieved is not only a developing life, but also the future that had already taken shape in the heart and mind (O’Leary & Thorwick, 2006). Counseling work consistently shows that this imagined relationship is central to understanding the depth of grief experienced after pregnancy loss.

One of the most painful dimensions of this experience is societal minimization. Well-intentioned remarks such as “it happened early” or “you can try again” may inadvertently invalidate the mourner’s pain. Such responses often leave grieving parents feeling isolated or unsure whether their grief is legitimate. Research suggests that this lack of acknowledgment—sometimes referred to as disenfranchised grief—can intensify emotional distress and complicate healing (Doka, 2002; Lang et al., 2011).

Grief following pregnancy loss has several distinctive features. It is often invisible, with no funeral, photographs, or shared memories to anchor the loss. There may be no clear social script for how to mourn, making it difficult for individuals to express their pain or seek support. Many parents grieve privately, questioning whether they have the “right” to mourn so deeply (Cacciatore, 2010). This invisibility can deepen feelings of loneliness and emotional disconnection.

The grief is also marked by ambiguity. Parents grieve not only what was lost, but what might have been—the child they imagined, the parent they were becoming, and the life path that was interrupted. Questions about identity, meaning, and purpose often surface. These reflections are not signs of pathology but natural responses to a loss that touches both the present and the future (Neimeyer, 2001).

Emotionally, pregnancy loss evokes a wide range of reactions. Sadness and yearning are common, but they frequently coexist with shock, anger, numbness, guilt, and anxiety. Many women struggle with self-blame, even when the loss was medically unavoidable. Feelings of bodily failure or personal responsibility may become deeply internalized, increasing vulnerability to depression and anxiety (Brier, 2008). Fear surrounding future pregnancies is also common, as trust in one’s body and sense of safety may feel shaken.

Grief after pregnancy loss is rarely linear. It often resurfaces unexpectedly, triggered by anniversaries, due dates, subsequent pregnancies, or encounters with infants and expectant parents. From a counseling psychology perspective, these reactions are understood as normal expressions of attachment rather than signs of emotional weakness. Difficulties arise when grief is rushed, dismissed, or suppressed, increasing the risk of prolonged distress or trauma-related symptoms (Cacciatore et al., 2008).

Pregnancy loss also affects relationships. Partners often grieve differently, influenced by gender roles, cultural expectations, and personal coping styles. One partner may seek emotional expression, while the other copes through action or silence. Without understanding, these differences can create emotional distance at a time when connection is most needed. Counseling can help couples normalize differing grief styles and foster communication that honors each person’s experience (Lang et al., 2011).

Social responses further shape the grieving process. Friends, family members, and even healthcare professionals may avoid the topic, unsure of what to say, or may offer advice instead of presence. Learning how to navigate these interactions—setting boundaries, seeking supportive spaces, and finding language that reflects one’s experience—is often an important part of healing.

For many women and families, pregnancy loss also raises spiritual and existential questions. Faith may provide comfort, but it can also become a place of struggle. Questions about meaning, fairness, or divine purpose are common. From a pastoral counseling psychology perspective, these questions are approached with respect rather than quick answers. Healing is supported through space for honest reflection, personal meaning-making, and spiritual exploration that aligns with the individual’s beliefs and values (Park, 2010).

In counseling practice, validation is foundational. Acknowledging that a real loss has occurred and that the grief is legitimate can be profoundly healing. Narrative approaches allow individuals to tell the story of their pregnancy and loss in their own words, helping integrate the experience into their life narrative (Neimeyer, 2001). Emotion-focused and grief-informed cognitive approaches can assist in addressing guilt, fear, and anxiety about the future. In pastoral contexts, client-led symbolic or ritual practices—such as naming the baby or holding private remembrance moments—may offer comfort and connection.

Counselors must also remain attentive to signs that grief has become overwhelming or immobilizing. When symptoms of depression, trauma, or complicated grief emerge, additional support or referral is essential. Seeking help should be understood not as a failure of resilience, but as an act of self-care.

Beyond individual counseling, there is a broader need for advocacy. Pregnancy loss deserves greater recognition within healthcare systems, workplaces, and public discourse. Compassionate care, time to grieve, and open conversation can reduce stigma and isolation. Training for counselors and healthcare professionals should explicitly address pregnancy loss, equipping them with the sensitivity required to support grieving parents.

Ultimately, grief after pregnancy loss is a reflection of love. It is the sorrow that follows attachment and hope. When met with empathy, patience, and compassionate care, this grief can be integrated into life in ways that honor both the loss and the person who grieves. The role of counseling psychology is not to remove pain, but to walk alongside those who carry it—bearing witness, offering understanding, and supporting their gradual movement toward healing and renewed engagement with life.

1. Brier, N. (2008). Grief following miscarriage: A comprehensive review of the literature. Journal of Women’s Health, 17(3), 451–464.
2. Cacciatore, J. (2010). The unique experiences of women and their families after the death of a baby. Social Work in Health Care, 49(2), 134–148.
3. Cacciatore, J. (2013). Psychological effects of stillbirth. Seminars in Fetal and Neonatal Medicine, 18(2), 76–82.
4. Cacciatore, J., Rådestad, I., & Frøen, J. F. (2008). Effects of contact with stillborn babies on maternal anxiety and depression. Birth, 35(4), 313–320.
5. Doka, K. J. (2002). Disenfranchised grief: New directions, challenges, and strategies for practice. Champaign, IL: Research Press.
6. Lang, A., Goulet, C., Amsel, R., & Lévesque, M. (2011). Couples’ grief following miscarriage. Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic & Neonatal Nursing, 40(4), 451–464.
7. Neimeyer, R. A. (2001). Meaning reconstruction and the experience of loss. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
8. Park, C. L. (2010). Making sense of the meaning literature: An integrative review of meaning making and its effects on adjustment to stressful life events. Psychological Bulletin, 136(2), 257–301.

By Theophilus Adjei

Registered Mental Health Therapist 

For the last ten years as a mental health therapist—and as a husband and father myself—I’ve witnessed how profoundly a father’s presence shapes the maternity journey. Being present is more than physical support; it is psychological grounding, emotional partnership, and shared transformation.

Our Two Births: Lessons in Presence

When our first son, Kofi, arrived, I took three months off to support my wife, Titilola. I was scared and uncertain, especially when I learned she had gone into labour while I was still at work. I rushed to the hospital—arriving just in time to witness the miracle of his birth.
Our second birth, during COVID-19, was a planned home birth. Even though we had a midwife on call, the unpredictability and intensity were overwhelming. Yet as I watched my wife labour with strength and courage, I was reminded of the profound power of the birthing woman—and the privilege of being present.

Both experiences taught me that fatherhood begins long before the baby’s first breath. It begins in companionship, emotional steadiness, and shared vulnerability.

Why Father Presence Matters—for Mothers and Families

1. Improved Maternal Mental Wellness

Research shows that paternal involvement during pregnancy and postpartum is linked to lower maternal depression, reduced stress, and higher relationship satisfaction. In Canada, public-health data emphasize that father involvement strengthens maternal emotional well-being and supports healthier family dynamics.

2. Better Birth and Health Outcomes

Engaged fathers are associated with earlier prenatal care, increased attendance at appointments, and healthier maternal behaviours. These factors positively influence birth outcomes and contribute to the mother’s sense of safety and confidence during labour.

3. Stronger Couple Bonding

Birth is not only a medical event—it’s a relationship event. A father’s presence signals partnership, stability, and shared responsibility. During both of our births, simply being with my wife—breathing with her, encouraging her, advocating when needed—strengthened our connection in ways words can’t capture.

4. Benefits for the Child and Family System

Early father involvement lays a foundation for long-term child development—emotionally, socially and cognitively. When fathers are engaged, mothers feel less alone, and the entire family thrives.

How Father Presence Enriches the Mother’s Experience

• Emotional safety: She feels supported and seen.
• Reduced isolation: Birth becomes a shared experience, not a solitary one.
• Advocacy: Fathers help ensure her needs and preferences are respected.
• Postpartum buffering: Support with feeding, rest, and emotional adjustment protects maternal mental health.

In both of our births, my presence wasn’t about “doing everything right”—it was about being attuned, calm, and connected.

Mental Wellness During Maternity: A Shared Responsibility

A wellness-focused approach recognizes:

• Preparation together enhances confidence and reduces fear.
• Emotional regulation from the father creates safety during labour.
• Postpartum attentiveness helps identify mood shifts or early signs of distress.

Research consistently shows that engaged fathers help buffer maternal mental-health challenges—not only postpartum depression but postpartum anxiety, overwhelm, and identity shifts.

Practical Guidance for Fathers and Co-Parents

• Take leave if possible—Canadian data show more fathers are using parental benefits than ever.
• Attend prenatal appointments and classes.
• Discuss birth preferences and fears.
• Stay emotionally grounded during labour.
• Offer gentle advocacy.
• Check in regularly during postpartum weeks.
• Celebrate and reflect on the journey together.

To Mothers: Your Wellness Matters

A father’s willingness to participate deeply in the maternity journey is a powerful gift. Your needs—emotional, psychological, physical—deserve attention and support. When fathers show up with presence and humility, the maternity experience becomes richer, safer, and deeply meaningful.

In Closing

Birth transforms everyone involved. Fathers who choose presence—emotionally, physically, and mentally—strengthen the mother’s wellness, enrich the birth experience, and lay the groundwork for a resilient family. My own journey through fear, awe, and growth taught me that fatherhood begins with presence, empathy, and partnership.

Your presence matters more than you may ever fully understand.

 By Prof Samuel Oheneba-Dornyo

Licensed Counselling Psychologist

Becoming a mother is one of the most sacred journeys a woman can experience. From the moment you discover that new life is growing inside you, something shifts, your heart begins to carry dreams, hopes, and sometimes even fears for the little one you are yet to meet. In those moments, prayer becomes more than a religious act; it becomes the lifeline between you, your child, and God.

Praying before Birth

Long before your baby takes their first breath, prayer gives you the privilege of laying a spiritual foundation for their life. Just as Hannah prayed for Samuel before he was born (1 Samuel 1:10–11), mothers today can commit their children to the Lord from the womb by laying hands on your stomach.

• Pray for their Health and Development

Speak words of life over your baby’s body as it forms. Psalm 139:13–14 reminds us that God is knitting the child together in the secret place of the womb. Pray over their heart, brain, bones, and every part of their being, declaring God’s perfect design.

• Pray for Their Spirit and Destiny

Every child comes into this world with a God-given purpose. Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.” Pray that your baby will walk in God’s plan, grow in wisdom, and fulfill the destiny ordained for them.

• Pray for Peace During Pregnancy and Delivery

Many mothers worry about labor and childbirth. Through prayer, you release fear and embrace God’s peace (Philippians 4:6–7). Ask for strength, safe delivery, and God’s presence in the delivery room.

Praying after birth

When your baby finally arrives, the journey of prayer continues. A newborn is not just a gift to your family but a gift entrusted to you by God. As Mary treasured and pondered all things concerning Jesus in her heart (Luke 2:19), you too can carry your child before God daily.

• Pray for Protection

In a world full of dangers, ask God’s covering over your child. Psalm 91 is a powerful passage to pray over your baby, declaring that no harm or plague shall come near them.

• Pray for Growth and Character

Beyond physical growth, pray for your child’s heart. Ask God to shape their character, teaching them kindness, humility, and faithfulness. Proverbs 22:6 reminds us to “train up a child in the way he should go.” Prayer is a vital part of that training.

• Pray for Your Parenting

Raising a child requires wisdom, patience, and grace. Pray that God will help you nurture your baby in love and discipline. Ask Him for the strength to model faith, so your child learns from your example.

Practical Tips for Prayer

• Whisper routinely short prayers while rocking your baby to sleep or during feeding times.
• Pray Bible verses directly over your child, replacing pronouns with your baby’s name.
• Write down prayers during pregnancy and continue after birth. Later, these records will serve as a testimony of God’s faithfulness in your child’s life.

Conclusion

Prayer is one of the most powerful gifts you can give your baby, long before they can speak, walk, or even understand. It connects their life to God’s promises, secures their future in His hands, and gives you peace as a parent. Whether your baby is in the womb, in your arms, or running around your living room, let every stage of their life be covered in prayer.

As Philippians 1:6 assures us, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” That good work includes your child. Keep praying, keep trusting, and keep believing.

By Prof Samuel Oheneba-Dornyo

Licensed Counselling Psychologist

Parenting is one of the most rewarding journeys in life, yet it is also one of the heaviest responsibilities anyone can carry. From the moment a child is born, parents are flooded with advice from family, friends, books, social media, and society at large. Everyone seems to have an opinion on how to raise a child “the right way.” In today’s fast-paced and highly competitive world, many mothers and fathers silently struggle under the weight of trying to be the “perfect parent.”

But here is the truth: the idea of a flawless parent is a myth. Perfection is an impossible standard, and the pursuit of it often leaves parents feeling exhausted, inadequate, and overwhelmed. Instead of bringing joy into the parenting journey, you soon notice that it can create guilt and unnecessary stress.

The myth of the perfect parent

Social media paints a picture of spotless homes, always-smiling children, and parents who somehow juggle everything with ease. What we rarely see are the sleepless nights, the messy kitchens, the tears behind closed doors, and the moments of self-doubt.

This myth becomes especially heavy in our Ghanaian context, where cultural expectations can be overwhelming. Parents are often told:

• “A good mother sacrifices everything for her children.”
• “A good father must provide, no matter the cost.”

While sacrifice is part of parenting, these pressures can rob parents of their joy and create a cycle of guilt when reality doesn’t match the ideal.

The hidden costs of perfectionism

Trying to be a perfect parent can lead to:

• Emotional exhaustion – Constantly feeling like you’re not doing enough.
• Strained relationships – Withdrawing from your spouse, children, or community out of fear of judgment.
• Mental health struggles – Anxiety, depression, or feelings of inadequacy can grow when parents carry the weight of unrealistic standards.

In our society, where financial pressure, unemployment, and social expectations already weigh heavily, the added pressure of being a flawless parent can be crushing.

Breaking free: A path to healthy parenting

• Embrace imperfection

Children do not need flawless parents. They need real parents who try, fail, apologize, and try again. Psalm 103:13 reminds us, “As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.” God knows our weaknesses and still calls us His own.

• Prioritize presence over perfection

Children crave time, attention, and affection more than expensive toys or fancy experiences. Sharing a meal, listening to their stories, or praying with them communicates love more than material things. Deuteronomy 6:6–7 urges parents to impress God’s truth on their children by talking with them in everyday life—when sitting at home, walking, lying down, and rising up.

• Balance discipline with grace

Discipline is vital for raising responsible children, but it should never crush their spirit. As Colossians 3:21 says, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” Discipline should guide, not wound; correct, not condemn.

• Seek support

Parenting is not meant to be done alone. The pressures of work, finances, and family life can be heavy. Lean on trusted friends, family (whether nuclear or extended), your church community, or professionals for support. Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 reminds us: “Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”

• Practice self-care

A drained parent cannot pour love and attention into their children. Rest is not laziness—it is wisdom. Even Jesus took time away to pray and renew His strength (Mark 1:35). When parents are emotionally and physically healthy, their children benefit too.

• Celebrate small wins

Parenting is not about grand gestures alone. It’s about the daily choices to love, guide, and nurture. Celebrate the small victories—whether it’s a child learning to tie their shoes, a family meal shared, or a heartfelt conversation.

Final Encouragement

Dear parents, you don’t need to be perfect—you just need to be present. Your children are not looking for superheroes, but for love, guidance, and connection. The Bible assures us in Isaiah 41:10, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.” As you raise your children, remember that God’s grace is sufficient to cover your weaknesses.

Let us choose authenticity over perfection, compassion over pressure, and love over fear. In doing so, we not only nurture confident children but also build stronger families and healthier communities.

By Prof Samuel Oheneba-Dornyo

Licensed Counselling Psychologist

Bullying is often thought of as something that happens in the classroom, on the playground, or online. We picture a child being teased by classmates or pushed around by older peers. But sometimes, the first experience of bullying a child faces is not from schoolmates—it is from home. Pain that is not healed in a parent often becomes pain passed on to the child. This truth, though difficult to face, is a call for self-reflection and healing.

When Parents Hurt Instead of Heal

Parenting is one of the highest callings, but it also demands a level of emotional wholeness that many adults have not yet achieved. A mother or father who carries unresolved trauma, bitterness, or low self-worth may unconsciously project those wounds onto their children. Instead of nurturing, they may criticize harshly. Instead of guiding, they may control with fear. Instead of affirming, they may ignore or reject.

A child experiencing this kind of treatment often feels the sting of rejection before ever encountering the world outside. The parent, who should be a place of safety, becomes the source of pain. This is why we say: a child’s first bully is an unhealed parent.

The Impact on the Child

When children are constantly belittled, compared to others, or made to feel “not good enough,” it shapes their self-image. Many grow up doubting their worth, fearing abandonment, or struggling with anxiety and insecurity. Some withdraw into silence, while others develop anger and aggression. In adulthood, these children may repeat the same patterns, becoming harsh with their own families or carrying unresolved wounds into workplaces, relationships, and even their walk with God.

In the Ghanaian context, cultural norms can sometimes deepen this pain. A parent might use insults as a form of correction, believing it builds discipline. Phrases like “W’ankasa wo bɔne dodo” (“You yourself are too bad”) or “Wo nyansa no sua” (“You are not wise”) are often spoken casually but leave scars on a child’s heart. What is said at home echoes louder than what is heard outside, because children look to their parents first for affirmation.

The Role of Healing in Parenting

An unhealed parent is not necessarily a bad person—they are often carrying unspoken wounds of their own childhood, financial struggles, or marital challenges. But unless these wounds are confronted, they become cycles of pain passed from one generation to the next.

Healing begins with awareness. A parent must first recognize when their words or actions are rooted in unresolved hurt. From there, seeking support—through counseling, prayer, trusted friends, or even professional therapy—can open the door to wholeness. Scripture reminds us that God “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). Parents who allow God to heal them can, in turn, raise children in an atmosphere of love, security, and encouragement.

Breaking the Cycle

If we want to raise confident, emotionally healthy, and spiritually grounded children, we must break the cycle of inherited pain. This means:

• Choosing healing over silence – not ignoring trauma but addressing it.
• Speaking life over children – using words that affirm rather than wound.
• Modeling resilience and humility – showing children that it is okay to seek help.
• Creating safe homes – where children feel loved, accepted, and heard.

Conclusion

Every child deserves to grow in an environment of love, safety, and affirmation. Parents are the first role models, and their words carry great power. An unhealed parent can unknowingly become the first bully in a child’s life, shaping their future in painful ways. But a healed parent—one who allows God and healthy support systems to bring restoration—can instead become the child’s greatest cheerleader, protector, and guide.

May we as parents, caregivers, and leaders choose healing for ourselves, so that we do not pass on pain but instead pass on love, strength, and hope. For when parents are healed, children can flourish.

By Prof Samuel Oheneba-Dornyo

Licensed Counselling Pyschologist

Motherhood is one of the greatest gifts God has entrusted to women. The joy of holding a newborn baby in your arms is unmatched. Yet, the journey after delivery is often more challenging than many expect. The truth is, life after childbirth is filled with both beauty and struggle, and many mothers are left wondering, “Why didn’t anyone tell me it would be like this?”

In this article, we will reflect on some of the hidden realities of postpartum life and how mothers—and those around them—can find healing, strength, and joy in this season.

Life After Delivery: What No One Tells You

Many people expect that after delivery, life immediately returns to normal. But the truth is, everything changes. Your body feels different. Sleep becomes irregular. Your time is no longer your own. Sometimes, mothers feel guilty for not being “happy enough,” even though they are exhausted and overwhelmed. The truth is, adjusting to a new life with a baby takes time, patience, and grace. It is okay not to have it all figured out right away.

Postpartum Depression: Recognizing the Signs and Seeking Help

While it is normal to feel tired and emotional after birth, some mothers experience a deeper struggle known as postpartum depression (PPD). This is more than “baby blues.” It shows up as constant sadness, feelings of worthlessness, guilt, hopelessness, or even thoughts of harming oneself or the baby.

If you notice that you or someone you know has been feeling this way for more than two weeks, it is important to seek help. Postpartum depression is not a sign of weakness, but a real condition that can be treated. Speaking with a counselor, psychologist, or doctor can bring the needed support and healing.

Healing After Childbirth: Physical and Emotional Recovery

Childbirth is a miracle, but it is also a physical event that places tremendous stress on a woman’s body. There may be pain, fatigue, hormonal changes, and adjustments in appetite and mood. Healing takes time—sometimes weeks, sometimes months.

On the emotional side, many mothers silently carry fear, anxiety, or a sense of inadequacy. Healing here requires both patience and openness. Talking to a trusted person, seeking counseling if needed, and leaning on God’s word can make the journey lighter. Psalm 147:3 reminds us: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

The Importance of Rest and Support for New Mothers

One of the greatest needs of new mothers is rest. Yet in many homes, women are expected to “bounce back” immediately—cooking, cleaning, caring for the baby, and sometimes even returning to work too soon. This is not only unfair but also dangerous to the mother’s health.

Family and friends have a special role to play. Simple acts such as preparing meals, watching the baby so the mother can sleep, or offering words of encouragement can make all the difference. The Church community also has a role—offering prayer, visiting, and creating safe spaces where mothers can share their struggles without shame.

Rediscovering Yourself as a Mother and Woman

After childbirth, many women feel that their identity gets lost in the role of “mother.” You may miss your old routines, your work, your friendships, or even your own body. It is important to remember that motherhood is not the end of who you are—it is the beginning of a new chapter.

Take time to nurture yourself spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Continue pursuing your gifts, whether through reading, prayer, learning, or creative expression. A healthy mother is a blessing to her child, her family, and her community.

How Husbands Can Support Their Wives After Delivery

A supportive husband makes an enormous difference in the postpartum journey. Men, your wife needs more than financial help—she needs your presence, patience, and partnership. Share household responsibilities. Wake up at night sometimes to help with the baby. Encourage her when she feels overwhelmed. Pray with her and remind her she is not alone.

Ephesians 5:25 reminds husbands: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” True love means sacrifice, compassion, and walking alongside her in this new season.

Conclusion

Postpartum life is both a blessing and a test. It is a season of joy wrapped in tears, strength mingled with weakness, and new beginnings born out of pain. But no mother should walk this road alone. With the right support, counselling when needed, and the assurance of God’s presence, mothers can heal, rediscover themselves, and thrive in their calling.

To every mother: you are not alone. To every husband, family, and community: your love, support, and prayers can be the light that helps a new mother rise with hope. Together, we can make homes, churches, and communities places of healing, strength, and compassion.

Contents loading soon.

Contents loading soon.